


The only solution (was to stand and fight)

by theonetruenorth



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Brothers, Coda, Embedded Images, Episode Related, Fluff, M/M, Parabatai, Parabatai Feels, Suicidal tendencies (mentioned), drunk boys, s02e10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 07:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10183688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonetruenorth/pseuds/theonetruenorth
Summary: “I guess you haven’t told her, huh?”Jace opened his eyes and sure enough, he saw his parabatai standing over him. Alec was frowning and Jace could almost see the cogs turning in his head as he tried to figure out what was wrong.





	

“I guess you haven’t told her, huh?”

Jace opened his eyes and sure enough, he saw his parabatai standing over him. Alec was frowning and Jace could almost see the cogs turning in his head as he tried to figure out what was wrong.

“I thought you would be with Magnus?” Jace deflected the question with a question and turned his gaze back towards the starry sky. He took another sip from the bottle he had been balancing on his chest as he sprawled on the roof.

He wasn’t surprised that Alec had found him. It was _their_ spot, the one they’d discovered not long after Jace finally understood that his new family accepted him and stopped fighting them on every turn. Jace and Alec found this particular spot by accident, but it became their favorite place to hide when they needed a break. It was more or less hidden from the direct view from the rooftop doorway and had one of the ventilation exits blowing out gentle waves of hot air directly onto them, so they could stay warm even during chilly nights.

“Magnus is fine. We’re fine. He had to go assure the other warlocks that the Sword didn’t cause any damage outside of the Institute, and I was needed here. I’ll see him tomorrow.” Alec bent down and reached for the bottle. “So… you haven’t told her.”

“I couldn’t,” Jace said as he watched Alec take a long swig of whisky and made a face at the taste. He closed his eyes and focused on the sound of Alec shuffling around. “I wanted to do it, I went out and found her, but…”

“But?”

“She was with Simon. And she was so happy, I couldn’t ruin that for her. I fucked up enough already.” He grimaced. “Simon can walk in the sunlight now.”

“What?!” The slightly high-pitched tone in Alec’s voice would have been funny if Jace had it in him to laugh. “How in the hell is that even possible?”

“I have no idea.”

“She still deserves to know, Jace...”

Jace ignored that remark and tried very hard not to let his face show anything but calm indifference. His eyes were still closed but he could hear Alec’s sigh of resignation and the quiet sound of his parabatai’s steps. There was also the sound of liquid sloshing around as Alec took another long drink. The silence between them stretched on for a minute or two before Jace opened his eyes to look at Alec.

And then his heart froze in his chest.

All he could see was Alec’s back as the older boy stood on the edge of the roof, his silhouette illuminated by the New York City lights. It made him glow; a halo of light around his frame. A vision of an angel, spoiled by the bottle of alcohol still held loosely in his grasp.

“Fuck, Alec,” Jace rasped out when he finally forced his lungs to work again. “ _Don’t_...”

Alec turned quickly, surprised by the alarm in Jace’s voice and he scowled when he saw Jace was looking at him with _so_ _much_ fear in his eyes.

“What?”

“Come back here, man. Please.”

“What are you--” Alec’s eyebrows rose when he realized what he must have looked like and he scrambled away from the edge. “No! Jace, no, I wasn’t going to--”

“How could I know, you--”

“I wouldn’t do that, not to you, I--”

“You already did!” Jace shouted and Alec’s mouth closed with an audible click, cutting off any more protests. “By the Angel, Alec, you already jumped once! And don’t try and bullshit me that it was all just the spell, I know it wasn’t!”

Because the spell had pulled out the ugliest, most insecure parts of them, but Jace could _feel_ the absolute misery and self-loathing through their bond just before they heard Clary’s shout of warning. He didn’t understand it then, not immediately, not until he saw Magnus pulling Alec back from the fall.

Alec’s lips stretched into a thin, unhappy line and his shoulders slumped before he walked over and sat next to Jace, handing the whisky back to him.

“You don’t have to give me a lecture, Magnus already took care of that,” Alec said, curling up with his arms around his knees and Jace’s heart broke. Alec looked like he intentionally tried to make himself smaller, to occupy less space. Like he was trying to disappear. It was something he always did when he thought he had screwed up, ever since they were kids. “I’m not suicidal, Jace. It’s just… everything was too much, all at once. Not just Jocelyn, everything. The situation at home, our parents, the wedding, the war. I couldn’t think straight, not with the spell screwing with my head.”

“Okay,” Jace said, leaning slightly to bump Alec’s shoulder with his own. “But promise me, if you ever feel like this again, just talk with someone, okay? It doesn’t have to be me, if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah,” Alec nodded, accepting the bottle once more when Jace had his share, “same goes for you.”

“What?” Jace frowned, trying to gather his thoughts through the haze of alcohol already gently buzzing in his system.

Alec gave him an unimpressed look.

“I saw the video from your interrogation.”

Jace felt like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice cold water over him.

“You haven’t said anything that I didn’t already know.” Alec shrugged. “But you tried to cut your own throat when Aldertree threatened you with life in prison. And today you wanted to destroy the Soul Sword even though you knew it was going to kill you.”

“Alec--”

“All I’m saying is that while people focus on me, they don’t look at you and I’m not the only one who’s hurting. You don’t think it matters, but it does,” Alec interrupted him and turned his head to look at Jace. His eyes were filled with something that Jace couldn’t really decipher. “ _You_ matter, Jace.”

And Jace couldn’t bear the intense gaze any longer, so with an exasperated huff he slumped back on the ground, his back thumping quietly against the concrete.

“I’m not wasted enough for this,” he said and Alec laughed.

“I’ll drink to that,” Alec saluted him with the bottle and took another swallow.

 

* * *

 

When they were both beyond ‘ _somewhat drunk_ ’ and on their way to being ‘ _completely plastered_ ’ Jace finally tossed the empty bottle away and listened to the satisfying sound of breaking glass, somewhere far on the other side of the roof.

“You’re just going to have to clean that up later, you know,” Alec mumbled, his words slightly slurred and muffled. Alec didn’t indulge in alcohol often (not unless Jace talked him into it) but when he did, he was the sleepy, clingy type of drunk. Jace was lying on his back and Alec was curled up on his side right next to him, forehead pressed to Jace’s shoulder, one of his own arms strewn across Jace’s chest. Jace didn’t mind; Alec was warm and it was nice, knowing that they could still have this. That whatever bad blood they had between them before didn’t matter anymore. The parabatai bond, so thin and frail for the last couple of weeks, now hummed between them steadily and strongly, as if it was never damaged.

“You’re starting to sound like Maryse.”

“Angel forbid,” Alec snorted.

Minutes passed, during which Jace said nothing, just enjoying the buzz and the peace and quiet in his head. He was sure that Alec had fallen asleep, as he tended to whenever he got smashed.

It was nice, this short escape from reality but Jace knew that it couldn’t last forever. After tonight there are so many things to do, so many relationships to fix, so many tasks to complete before their world could go back to normal. He would need to start figuring it all out, including his own past and Jace was _not_ looking forward to that.

“Not a Wayland and not a Morgenstern,” Jace whispered to himself as he focused on the stars above him. They were slightly blurry and unfocused. “Who the hell even knows what I am, now.”

“That’s a stupid question.”

Jace startled, not expecting Alec to reply. He was sure the older boy was asleep.

“What?”

“I said that’s a stupid question,” Alec repeated. “You’re a Lightwood. You will always be a Lightwood.”

Jace turned his head to look at Alec but his parabatai had his eyes closed. Jace wasn’t sure if it was because he was tired, or because he was avoiding looking at him. Maybe it was for the best, since he felt like his eyes were watering and he wasn’t sure he could blame it on the booze.

“Thanks, man.”

“No problem.” Alec let out a quiet sigh. “But you still have to clean up that broken glass.”

Jace just laughed at that and for the first time in weeks, he found that he didn’t have to fake feeling happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Every fic in this series is first posted to my tumblr and I upload it to AO3 with a delay. If you want to read my stories as soon as I finish them, follow me there: theonetruenorth.tumblr.com
> 
> Beta-read by [brizzbee](http://brizzbee.tumblr.com/)


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